A year of achievements, 2020
Thursday, December 31, 2020
A year of achievements, 2020.
2020 may be a stagnant year for some— but for me, it was a year filled with lessons, courage, and fulfilment. It came as a surprise when I was counting my achievements this year. My word of the year— bloom, resonated so well with my growth throughout this year. In a way, I felt like the Universe knew I was ready to bloom and now is the right time.
And so, I bloomed. Like a peony unfurling its light petals towards the bright sky.
I wouldn’t wish to prattle on with purposeless words in today’s post, but to keep it simple and easy to remember when I needed a little evidence of my own power + aptitude.
What I have achieved in 2020:
- Learn new lessons in personal growth and put them into action
- Bought a house (currently in a housing debt but excited to own a cozy home)
- Published articles and got paid for them! You can read my works here.
- Started a side hustle online business here
- Hit my savings goal of RM8,000 this year
They seem like pretty big accomplishments that my 2019 self would have a hard time believing she can achieve— but then hey, she did it! Of course, all these achievements are made possible because of the help from others, some in very uncanny ways.
Everyone has small little things that can be called achievements, if you feel that you have not done anything this year, dig a little deeper— or it may just be on the surface. Something as easy as waking up every morning is already an accomplishment.
Give yourself a pat on the back, I believe you have your own list of achievements.
Till then,
Melody
A week of reflection before 2020 ends
Wednesday, December 23, 2020
A week of reflection before 2020 comes to a close.
Growth, trust and many little nasties.
I sat across the window, zoning out as my eyes stayed unfocused to the blur of images in front of me. On a quiet afternoon, birds rarely chirp but occasionally I can hear the flutter of wings beating against the wind. Strong yet sturdy wings. I was reminded of a quote I came across some time ago.
“In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence.”
― Robert Lynd
2020 is a year of introspection and I unconsciously needed it.
I needed the time to quiet down my thoughts, hustles and emotions to find out what I truly needed.
This year, the hardest lesson for me to learn and accept is to slow down. When I was chasing for more, I sowed seeds of doubt within me. Am I on the right path? Am I going fast enough? And with those thoughts, the light inside me flickers before it went out— leaving me in darkness and fear.
And it is within the confines of the darkness that I manifested little nasties: depression, anxiety, anger, and loneliness. Oftentimes I cried at night, releasing my anger through torrents of abusive actions and emotional manipulation.
What I discovered was that I was suffering because I was chasing more and more of what I couldn’t afford, leading to the little nasties. If I could just be happy with what I had, I wouldn’t be so affected by the darkness and would actually enjoy what this year has offered me.
Hence I needed to slow down. It wasn’t an easy truth to come to terms with. Especially when I always feel like I was in a race against time. It took me a year to realize I have to dance to my own music, not to anyone else’s.
This year, the hardest lesson for me to learn and accept is to slow down. When I was chasing for more, I sowed seeds of doubt within me. Am I on the right path? Am I going fast enough? And with those thoughts, the light inside me flickers before it went out— leaving me in darkness and fear.
And it is within the confines of the darkness that I manifested little nasties: depression, anxiety, anger, and loneliness. Oftentimes I cried at night, releasing my anger through torrents of abusive actions and emotional manipulation.
What I discovered was that I was suffering because I was chasing more and more of what I couldn’t afford, leading to the little nasties. If I could just be happy with what I had, I wouldn’t be so affected by the darkness and would actually enjoy what this year has offered me.
Hence I needed to slow down. It wasn’t an easy truth to come to terms with. Especially when I always feel like I was in a race against time. It took me a year to realize I have to dance to my own music, not to anyone else’s.
My own pace, time and journey.
It’s never too late to fix, for I am picking up the broken shards and mending them within me. 2021 will be a year where I am much wiser, secure, and overflowing with positive vibes.
2020 is a year filled with lessons of:
- Learning to be content with being alone
- Letting go of toxic habits that have grown comfortable
- Giving more of what you want
- Stop complaining before trying
- Slow down and dance according to your music
- Be grateful for however little you have
- Being selfish will turn you into a lonely soul
It’s never too late to fix, for I am picking up the broken shards and mending them within me. 2021 will be a year where I am much wiser, secure, and overflowing with positive vibes.
Till then,
Melody
A Lesson: Life Goes On
Tuesday, December 8, 2020
A lesson: Life goes on
I will not write long for this post, but just a gentle reminder to grace anyone who has come across this little gift today.
“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
― Robert Frost
It was just happenstance when I came across this quote. And like magic, all my stress, burden and worries seem to feel okay. Life goes on, truly. Today you may lose yourself in places no one has threaded on before but tomorrow you may find pieces of yourself laying around.
No matter how bad of a day you’re having, remember that there are only 24 hours in a day— and a new day starts. A new cycle in life, because life goes on. You’ll not repeat the same bad day over and over again.
Some days you’ll struggle, but there is always a rainbow waiting for you the next day.
I had been in a turmoil over my stresses, pressure, and burden. I felt like the lid of Pandora’s box had started to crack as an itch inside of me wanted to just unleash all the nasty monsters. I held the quote like a mantra, and it soothed me— if not all, even just a little bit so I don’t crack under the pressure.
Life goes on.
Till then,
Melody.
Kingdom without a crown: short story
Monday, November 23, 2020
Kingdom without a crown: A short story
A huge mirror stood before me, my reflection stared right back. The frames, carved from pearl and ivory into smooth curves of serpentine creatures and jagged edges of spears. It tells a story. But my eyes, fixated on my own reflection.
Where is my crown?
It is a strange feeling, looking at me through the mirror— I don’t remember the last time I looked at myself, for I hated my disgusting flesh without a crown on my head.
It's been far too long without my crown. My kingdom, lived torn and confused with a feeble, crownless king on its throne. But the tide must change. I must save my kingdom from my own ruins.
It's been far too long without my crown. My kingdom, lived torn and confused with a feeble, crownless king on its throne. But the tide must change. I must save my kingdom from my own ruins.
I ache for my crown every minute, taken by monsters lurking beneath the dark winter chill. They swiped the crown from my head when I was at my weakest.
My memory didn’t serve me well, but I sometimes I feel it in my roughened hands, like cradling a precious gem. However, there was none. In my palms, were nothing but just a fragment of longing for my lost crown.
“Finding your crown will take much courage, and a complicated journey. Why do you try?”
The monster questions every day. I hear them across deep, mystifying oceans and through craggy hills. Most of all, I hear them often in my head.
I do not know why I’m on this journey— to slay the monsters in my head and reclaim the crown I once had. I kept quiet, without an answer but within me a warm tiny light reminds me of the power I once possessed.
I do not know why I’m on this journey— to slay the monsters in my head and reclaim the crown I once had. I kept quiet, without an answer but within me a warm tiny light reminds me of the power I once possessed.
But only when I hold the crown in my hands again, I can glow with even more power than I currently have.
Now, draped in black, and a cloak on my back. I depart on a vengeful journey to reclaim my crown— so warm, bright, and powerful. A journey armed with nothing but a courageous heart and an intense will to regain my powers.
Finish.
--
In this short story, the crown represents self-love. Self-love is easily broken and manipulated, by filthy thoughts and lies fed to us. Some of us suffer from mental illnesses that make us doubt our self-love. But I am here to tell you that you are not alone in this fight. Your brave, precious self is fighting every day so you can return to your former glory.
Claim the crown of the kingdom— the self-love that you once had.
Finish.
--
In this short story, the crown represents self-love. Self-love is easily broken and manipulated, by filthy thoughts and lies fed to us. Some of us suffer from mental illnesses that make us doubt our self-love. But I am here to tell you that you are not alone in this fight. Your brave, precious self is fighting every day so you can return to your former glory.
Claim the crown of the kingdom— the self-love that you once had.
Till then,
Melody
Slow-living blogs to read before bed
Thursday, November 19, 2020
Slow-living blogs to read
Wordsmiths are— a sort of quiet creative. We string words together to create a story. When we were young, bedtime stories were read to us before we lull off to dreamland. As adults, some of us have the habit to read before bed. Like me, sometimes I enjoy reading before bed. Phone away and a book on my lap when I’m curled up in my blanket.
But you see, sometimes fairy tales and fiction don’t cut it.
I crave for something real, I want to read people’s thoughts and see what it teaches me. This is when I look for blogs. I want to see how others write, what they think and what they go through.
In my previous post of autumnal energy and creative works, I have mentioned how wordsmiths or creatives tune into their peak creative energy to concoct their best works. Slow living blogs are my go-to read before bed at times.
In my previous post of autumnal energy and creative works, I have mentioned how wordsmiths or creatives tune into their peak creative energy to concoct their best works. Slow living blogs are my go-to read before bed at times.
“Life tells the most beautiful stories.”
― Adrienne Posey
The slow pace writing, weaved with beautiful and uncommon words draws a story while conveying emotion, thoughts and solutions are the usual mixture of what ropes me in before bed. I love staring at the sentences they use— for its beauty.
Here are seven (7) slow-living bloggers which writes as marvelous as any other wordsmith
Field and Nest
Emmeline Bramble
Guilia Writes
Everything Looks Rosie
Circle of Pines
The Slow Traveller
Elin Loow
Now you can see where I draw my inspirations from, these lovely people behind the blog. It is indeed difficult to find quality blogs these days, I’m glad I stumbled upon them.
Till then,
Melody
What autumn offers: A quiet creative work introspection
Saturday, November 14, 2020
Autumn energy + creative work introspection
Everyone makes autumn a season of creativity and slow-living. Dressed in cute cotton frock, layered with a knitted cardigan, sipping on hot tea while gazing at the beautiful autumn foliage. These are the things I love yet am not allowed to experience, living in a country where it is summer all year round.
Autumn is not about new creative pursuits but sometimes it is about understanding your why and sitting down to piece all your work together. For me, this season, although I am not able to enjoy the chilly winds and longer nights, is all the same.
I take this time to reassess myself and my work. This year especially, I will be using the notion of autumn to think about my self-growth. 2020 has been rocky until now. For 11 months, I was in a constant battle to better myself + work, and right now when autumn has made its mark, I want to throw my sword down and just relish in the temporary peace.
Creating is what I like, this space is my creative space. An atelier that allows me to be creative and experiment with my thoughts + imagination.
The autumnal equinox marks the start of delving deeper into your soul to find creative energy.
Autumn is not about new creative pursuits but sometimes it is about understanding your why and sitting down to piece all your work together. For me, this season, although I am not able to enjoy the chilly winds and longer nights, is all the same.
I take this time to reassess myself and my work. This year especially, I will be using the notion of autumn to think about my self-growth. 2020 has been rocky until now. For 11 months, I was in a constant battle to better myself + work, and right now when autumn has made its mark, I want to throw my sword down and just relish in the temporary peace.
"The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Creating is what I like, this space is my creative space. An atelier that allows me to be creative and experiment with my thoughts + imagination.
My writing is not great, I’m not someone who’s gifted with words. I just make it happen with a lot of reading + writing practices.
As I sit down to think, there are so many unaddressed problems with my creative spurts. I have these moments sometimes, like a quick introspection moment. Today is the same, fueled with the energy of autumn (or still summer, in Malaysia. Nevertheless, a great time)— and here is what I found out about my creative works.
1. Inconsistency in my writing style is a struggle to overcome
My writings sometimes pleases me, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes I write in different tones and rhythms. Where is my consistency? The path to find the perfect blend between my creative style and what others like to read would be tedious and never ending.
2. The stress of not churning out quality content discourages me.
2. The stress of not churning out quality content discourages me.
The reason I write is to ramble about things I find difficult to cope with in my daily life. To occupy my mind when monsters lurk. Writing is my escape, yet sometimes I feel stressed and pressured to deliver a quality piece of work.
3. Staying within my niche is confusing.
I have love for gaming, a little for lifestyle and a lot for self-development and slow living. But sometimes I catch myself drifting from my niche— talking about finances, quick hot travels and fashion. Is this something acceptable for my readers? Or should I just write whatever that pleases me?
Although solutions to these problems are something I may have to think about, it won’t hinder me from learning and developing my skills. Perhaps more reading and practicing will guide me along the path.
Elin Loow wrote a lovely piece on what we should seek to enhance our creative gifts. Read here.
This season of creative work introspection has brought so much awareness about my creative work. It doesn’t matter where you stand, but introspection of your work is something that needs to be done regularly. There may be no autumn in Malaysia— everyday is the same: sunny, hot and sometimes a little rainy but that shouldn’t stop me from accepting what the right time can offer.
This season of creative work introspection has brought so much awareness about my creative work. It doesn’t matter where you stand, but introspection of your work is something that needs to be done regularly. There may be no autumn in Malaysia— everyday is the same: sunny, hot and sometimes a little rainy but that shouldn’t stop me from accepting what the right time can offer.
Till then,
Melody
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