A week of reflection before 2020 comes to a close.
Growth, trust and many little nasties.
I sat across the window, zoning out as my eyes stayed unfocused to the blur of images in front of me. On a quiet afternoon, birds rarely chirp but occasionally I can hear the flutter of wings beating against the wind. Strong yet sturdy wings. I was reminded of a quote I came across some time ago.
“In order to see birds it is necessary to become a part of the silence.”
― Robert Lynd
2020 is a year of introspection and I unconsciously needed it.
I needed the time to quiet down my thoughts, hustles and emotions to find out what I truly needed.
This year, the hardest lesson for me to learn and accept is to slow down. When I was chasing for more, I sowed seeds of doubt within me. Am I on the right path? Am I going fast enough? And with those thoughts, the light inside me flickers before it went out— leaving me in darkness and fear.
And it is within the confines of the darkness that I manifested little nasties: depression, anxiety, anger, and loneliness. Oftentimes I cried at night, releasing my anger through torrents of abusive actions and emotional manipulation.
What I discovered was that I was suffering because I was chasing more and more of what I couldn’t afford, leading to the little nasties. If I could just be happy with what I had, I wouldn’t be so affected by the darkness and would actually enjoy what this year has offered me.
Hence I needed to slow down. It wasn’t an easy truth to come to terms with. Especially when I always feel like I was in a race against time. It took me a year to realize I have to dance to my own music, not to anyone else’s.
This year, the hardest lesson for me to learn and accept is to slow down. When I was chasing for more, I sowed seeds of doubt within me. Am I on the right path? Am I going fast enough? And with those thoughts, the light inside me flickers before it went out— leaving me in darkness and fear.
And it is within the confines of the darkness that I manifested little nasties: depression, anxiety, anger, and loneliness. Oftentimes I cried at night, releasing my anger through torrents of abusive actions and emotional manipulation.
What I discovered was that I was suffering because I was chasing more and more of what I couldn’t afford, leading to the little nasties. If I could just be happy with what I had, I wouldn’t be so affected by the darkness and would actually enjoy what this year has offered me.
Hence I needed to slow down. It wasn’t an easy truth to come to terms with. Especially when I always feel like I was in a race against time. It took me a year to realize I have to dance to my own music, not to anyone else’s.
My own pace, time and journey.
It’s never too late to fix, for I am picking up the broken shards and mending them within me. 2021 will be a year where I am much wiser, secure, and overflowing with positive vibes.
2020 is a year filled with lessons of:
- Learning to be content with being alone
- Letting go of toxic habits that have grown comfortable
- Giving more of what you want
- Stop complaining before trying
- Slow down and dance according to your music
- Be grateful for however little you have
- Being selfish will turn you into a lonely soul
It’s never too late to fix, for I am picking up the broken shards and mending them within me. 2021 will be a year where I am much wiser, secure, and overflowing with positive vibes.
Till then,
Melody
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