Why + How should we forgive those who has hurt us?

How to forgive someone and grow from it

People take forgiveness for granted. When we tell someone they’re forgiven, they think it is okay to do something over and over again. I’ll spill some tea now.

1. Forgiveness is not about forgetting
2. Forgiveness does not excuse the other person’s behaviour
3. Forgiveness does not mean that you should stop feeling a certain way
4. Forgiveness does not mean that you are weak

When you forgive someone, it is all for yourself— not much for the other person. When you forgive someone, you make space in your troubled soul + heart for better things. We move forward by forgiving all the things that have wounded us, even when we know the act of forgiveness is truly difficult.

Why should we forgive?

Forgive not for others, but for yourself. 

Your heart is tattered and sore yet why are you still reluctant to let it heal? When you are held back by the past + hurt, you cannot heal. Take it this way— if you’re holding onto a full glass of water, your arms feel sore by the hour. It felt heavier and heavier, your arms hurt more and more. But when you finally let go of the glass of water, relief rushes into you as your arms start to feel the alleviating pain.

Forgiveness is the same. When we hold back all the pain and grudge, it gets heavier and heavier. We’re not able to move forward. The act of forgiveness is kindness to ourselves— we must learn that forgiveness is not for others, but for yourself.

It is never easy to forgive— it feels like taking a part of ourselves and chucking it out the window just so we’d heal all over again. Blinded by anger or grief, sometimes we refuse to forgive because we do not want to show the others that their actions are excused.

How do we learn to forgive?

1. Accept and acknowledge something has happened and it has wounded you. 

When you live in denial, it gives you the benefit of the doubt. When you stop acknowledging someone has wounded you, you practically brush it off or either end up putting blame on yourself.

2 .Look for the lesson. 

If something has happened, tell yourself that it is to teach or show you something and that is what you have to look for. Lessons are valuable and as I’ve always believed, the Universe teaches us in very peculiar ways.

3. Read your affirmations.

Words have very odd powers towards your soul + mind. We construct our feelings and mindset with words we hear and tell ourselves daily. Read yourself positive affirmations and you’ll find that it helps not only to forgive but to grow.

4. Decide if you want to tell the other person you have forgiven them. 

Sometimes going back to the cause of your pain + anger is traumatizing. IF you feel like telling the other person may trigger an upsetting feeling within you— do not tell. But if you feel like your feelings need some sort of closure, then by all means.

5. Send love to yourself and others. 

When you choose to forgive, give out more love to the people around you. Do things to attract love towards you. Bring yourself out, or cry your heart out. Binge on Ben & Jerry’s or cheeseburgers while watching FRIENDS. Do things that remind you how much you love your life.

Darling, forgiveness is like ending a chapter— you end a bad chapter and move on to the next. Forgiveness is never about the other person, but for yourself. It is an effort and those who are willing to put in those efforts are those who can finally break free from the chains.

Unchain yourself. Let the heavy shackles drop off your skin. Let it hit the ground so you’re light and free to run. Remember, forgive not for others, but for yourself.

Find strength in forgiveness,
Melody