You will never be truly ready for what you want to do

I didn’t wait until I was ready, I took the leap and a few days later there was this voice in me, telling me something. It came as a whisper one night, before bed when all i can think of was to enjoy my soft duvets— but my mind now wide awake, my body followed suit. Staring up the dark empty ceiling, I let the words sink into me.

"You’re not ready, don’t do this."

They echoed in my head and the more I think about it, the more it eats away at me. Guilt + uncertainty came crashing in, suffocating my breaths as they become smaller and smaller. A little faint and feeling nauseous, I took a cup of water before sleeping it off. My sleep wasn’t peaceful as the thoughts ate at me, planting diabolical + wicked images in me— I snapped days later.

I took some time to clear my messy thoughts. Perhaps I have too much in my mind, wounds too cavernous, memories sewed too deep. Like spreading out a spider’s web— sticky, fragile and a little loathsome— almost impossible, but it untangled a little, just enough for me to find that calm in me.

I need to stay calm and ask myself the one thing that started this mess of an issue.

Am I ready?

Here is the truth. I am not ready. I never was and it is a terrifying feeling. Imagine jumping into an abyss, what will you find in there? What will you see? Such an unnerving + reckless move. I took the leap when I wasn’t ready then I felt so much pain + self-doubt, but there was never a feeling of regret.

The process of going through something when you’re not ready teaches you so much. It opens your mind and eyes to a whole new perspective. Your heart accepts more than it can and your mind tries to catch up. You see things with a different attitude.

Nobody is ever truly ready 

Being unprepared scares me, or anyone in that matter. We all crave a plan, a safety zone because we subconsciously prepare our body + mind from preventing disappointment and failure. It is like throwing oneself into a pit of thorns, if one’s not ready.

Nobody is ever truly ready for what they want to do, this includes you and I. But why do we still get things done? Because while acknowledging that we aren't ready, we still do it. It's a force that pushes us through that gets us there.

This is when growth happens— when you are not ready.

How many times have you pushed past an uncomfortable situation? It is heavy and emotionally + physically draining. Yet we move on and on, taking one step at a time. This is growth. An inner voice may scream for you to let go and give up, yet somewhere in you, an invisible force pushes— growth. 

You learn the most when you’re not ready

Darling, being ready gives us a safety net but being not ready will give us an experience of a lifetime. You’ll fall along the way but you’ll stand again and this time, a little wiser than before.

Accepting that this moment of growth is what I needed, my path and choices became clearer to me. I am just a tiny bit wiser but I’m seeing things from a new perspective— and it was refreshing. Am I still afraid? Yes but that leap was taken and I never looked back.

Being unprepared for something could be conflicting for yourself. Your emotions + logic doesn’t work like how they usually do, but trust the Universe on the leap, as you took it for a reason. Do not be afraid. Don’t let the fear within you stop you from experiencing this beautiful yet terrifying moment of growth.

To all conflicting hearts,
Melody